Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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