In the future we'll all be gay
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
