Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Found the puke drawer
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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