AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
the raccoons are back...
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