He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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