I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
