Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I can't turn off my feet"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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