You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
