I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
