I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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