Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
