Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
