So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
