im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i need some magic done to my vagina
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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