People in love make me want to vomit
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
