i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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