When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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