My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
