I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
