consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
