I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
