Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
