zippers are such a cool invention
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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