Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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