The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
