If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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