someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
