3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I can text with my tongue
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
