He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
