I didn't shave. On purpose
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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