exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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