Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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