So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
