Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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