I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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