She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
