The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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