i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
