was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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