Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
