I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
