Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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