maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
