If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
