1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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