"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
