i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
