I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
