it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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