i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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