They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
