yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
